I lost more than my wife

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CapnClutch
Registered User
Posts: 1
Joined: February 8th, 2017, 10:19 am
Loss: 11 Jan 2016
Loved Ones Name: Natasha
Contact:

I lost more than my wife

Postby CapnClutch » February 8th, 2017, 10:34 am

Hi all,

I'm new to this. I lost my wife Jan 11th, 2016. We started dating when I was 16 and she was 14 and were married for 10 years before she died of Cancer. When she died our son was 5 and our daughter was 7. She died at the age of 40 and we had 26 years together.

The reason I'm writing is to see if I'm alone in the fact that I've lost some close friends and family and, in other cases, there's been a big increase in tension between myself and family that I'm still in contact with. I know I can attribute some of that to having started dating only a couple months after her death and the inevitable judgments of course. My mother, most especially, has caused friction because she feels the need to provide her unwanted and unsolicited opinion which has resulted in me having to be direct with her in that it's not welcome. Other friends have just completely stopped communicating with me despite having been there through the tough times. Some family feel I'm not being respectful to the family and have unfriended and blocked me on Facebook because I continue to post about my struggles. I started a blog so that people could either choose to click the link or not but it has still resulted in a loss of close family via Facebook. There was nothing but love, light, support and good will when I first started my posts before Natasha passed away because, I presume, it was about how hard it was to see her slip away and about how much I loved her but, once I started to post about my new life, my new love and about what life was really like for years I get people saying I'm not respecting the family.

I write because it's therapeutic and because I want the children to have that to look back on. Yes I could keep it private but, I never kept it private in the past so, there's no reason to keep it hidden now. Those that have a problem with it could just stay quiet and unfollow me. Do they really need to go so far as to unfriend and block me? Friends and family that I've known for more than a decade?

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Kristina
Site Admin
Posts: 206
Joined: December 14th, 2013, 8:03 pm
Loss: 08 May 2017
Loved Ones Name: Donna
Second Loss: 22 Oct 2012
lontwo: Lisa 10/1/03,Katrina
Contact:

Re: I lost more than my wife

Postby Kristina » March 27th, 2017, 10:42 pm

I'm sorry it's been so hard. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. That's one of the things that makes it so challenging. The same action can be construed by different grievers in different ways depending on their own grief journey and perceptions. It is certainly ok for you to be true to yourself. But, along with that, there will be people who will not understand, who will take offense, who will stay away, who will say something that seems cliche, or a zillion other things. We're all moving forward as best we can. Some of us take along extra baggage as well that we can bring into the grief.

I certainly do not have all the answers, but wanted you to know that you are not alone. This journey is hard, but necessary. It changes us, changes our relationships, and changes our view of the world. You are moving forward with your wife in your heart and are expressing yourself as best as you can as you do that. You are not leaving Natasha behind as you move forward...you are taking her with you. Unfortunately, that will be hard for some of her loved ones to understand.

Blessings to you,
Kristina


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